Tag Archives: YOAD

For the love of food

If we didn’t take seconds when my Grandma Jo offered, her classic response was, “Fine, I guess I won’t make this meal again.” She consistently told us we were too skinny. And at times, if we didn’t want to try something, she would shame us by saying, “Good, more for the rest of us.” The family all knew that food was love when it came to Grandma Jo.

It was almost the opposite with my other grandmother. Grandma Gladys didn’t like to eat. She had nearly rotten teeth! She liked saltines with butter, pie at the local post office cafeteria, and considered a glass of milk to be dinner. As a little girl, I preferred the ease of enjoying decadent butter (we used margarine growing up) on salty crackers to fighting for Grandma Jo’s love by overeating.

Meal times in senior housing are daily events. Sometimes the food is good, but most often, adult children hear regular complaints about institutional food—there’s too much, it’s over cooked, it’s underdone, it’s too fancy, etc. Years ago I asked a group of elder care specialists what they would want if they lived in senior housing. Good coffee was the answer; Starbucks on every floor! I see mealtimes in senior housing from both sides. As a manager, it’s challenging (and costly) to have both flexible eating times and a wide variety. Obviously it’s much easier to “feed the masses” in restricted time frames with a set menu.

For some, mealtimes are the only time they leave their room or apartment. It’s community time, time for sharing during a meal. Most people agree that it’s much more enjoyable to make food for two versus one. But what if you’re caring for someone who can’t express their food wishes? I often wonder about my friend with YOAD (Young Onset Alzheimer’s). One time when I was with him, I asked, “Do you want a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” and his eyes lit up and he nodded his head and said, “yes,” while grinning.

If food is love, then while we care for someone, we need to remember their history of likes and dislikes. For some folks, Cheerios can be dinner, once in a while. Not every meal is a success. Sometimes I burn a meal and resort to a can of soup or a simple salad. That’s okay, too.

One of the hardest things to give up is food—both for your loved one and for you. In the last days of my mom’s life, she was not interested in food. My sister tried desperately to get her to eat, until the Hospice nurse said, “She really doesn’t need to eat….” There are times when not eating, but rather sitting with a loved one, is filling enough.

This piece originally appeared in Girlfriend’s Magazine earlier this summer.

YOAD—Alzheimer’s isn’t just for the old anymore

While waiting for a flight, I scanned The Times of London. The sidebar on page 14 read: “Dementia kills man, 40.” I was immediately troubled by how we continue to report dementia as a disease. Dementia is a general term for decline in mental abilities. Dementia happens because there is a brain injury or illness. The person mentioned as “one of the youngest reported to die from dementia,” had damage in his frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain. That damage had caused the dementia, named “Frontotemporal dementia.”

brain_witelsonMaybe it’s because I’m in the field of aging and family caregiving that I want us to have a better understanding of diseases that cause life-altering dementia. I wish that more people understood these diseases, especially as we’re seeing more cases in younger people.

Young Onset Alzheimer’s Disease (or YOAD) is often misdiagnosed as depression or simply “change of life” issues for women. I interviewed a man on my radio show who struggled for years to get an accurate diagnosis. He started noticing changes in his mental capacity at age 39 and his doctors came to the same conclusion: he suffered from stress.

I personally know people with YOAD and it is incredibly difficult to be in public with them. We simply aren’t trained in how to respond to older adults with Alzheimer’s disease and we’re even less prepared to handle awkward conversations with younger people who have YOAD. I remember being in a fabric store with a friend who has YOAD. Someone approached her and said, “I love your jacket; where did you get it?” That was too much information thrown at her far too quickly. She couldn’t answer. I put my arm around her and said, “I remember when you got this jacket, but I can’t remember where you got it.” (My friend shook her head in agreement.) I know it’s your favorite.” (And she again agreed with a smile.) The inquiring stranger accepted that answer.

When you suspect someone is struggling to communicate or if you know someone has YOAD, be extra kind, but don’t treat him or her like a child. If they can’t verbalize, help them out in the most supportive way you know how.