Tag Archives: music

How to turn around a bad day

You know those days: You get in your car and hear a new noise (after just paying a hefty repair bill); you drive past your chiropractor’s new place five times before calling to have them describe their location; the pharmacy can’t find your new prescription, and your favorite coffee shop is closed due to illness.

These are what some people label “First World Problems”—They’re pesky, irritating, but not life threatening. They are just the type of issues that can take up precious space in one’s brain, derailing an otherwise sweet day.

Caregivers have to not only juggle their own “bad days,” but many have to learn how to recognize when their loved one is having tough time. This is not easy from a practical standpoint, let alone an emotional one. We see someone suffering and we want to “fix” their issue.

My grandpa Floyd hated to see us cry. He would swoop us up, make funny faces, wipe our tears and say, “It’s all right. No need to cry.” But sometimes a person just needs to cry, and this includes someone with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease, or someone in pain.

I wrote in The Unexpected Caregiver, “Through music, we can acknowledge that it’s okay for them [the person to whom we’re giving care] to feel sad, recognize why they’re feeling sad and then help them move through the sadness.”

Give it a try: if you are having a tough day, put on a sad song to match your mood, and then with each new song, pick up the tempo. Music can be your ticket to turning around a bad day for you or your loved one.

Expressing love for one’s father

My friend Evan’s tribute to his father resonated with how I feel about my dad. Evan tenderly illustrates the importance of recounting a parent’s influence and meaning in one’s life. I share this in hopes that it will inspire you to do the same, if not at least contemplate gifts and lessons you’ve received from your parents.

By Evan Brown

No recipe, but maybe an acknowledgement of the recipe of life.  Sometimes we face moments we know are coming, think we are preparing for and find ourselves so unprepared and wishing for more…more time, more conversations to say all the things we wanted to have the chance to say, more time to just be in the same room enjoying their company.

My father, Lee Brown, passed away, gently in the early morning.  He was 82 and had spent a long time with some serious lung issues.  I will really miss him, for all that he shepherded out of me. Read more »

Songs in my head

I think in song lyrics. I open my laptop and the words to a Bahamian lullaby pop out of my mouth: “All my files Lord, so-oon be open.” This just happens with me. And yet if you sit beside me in church when I have the words of a hymn in front of me, I’ll sing different words. My good friend Emily chuckles and says, “How can you get the notes so right and the words so wrong?”

Music has always been a part of my life. It’s something I can share during a presentation or at the bedside of a Hospice patient. When I worked in a dementia care community, I used song to greet the residents. Music can be used to shift moods, to acknowledge sadness, to release anger, to embrace happiness. As a family caregiver, you can use music to connect with your parents. Instead of listening to “their” music or “your music,” take turns. My dad and I dance to Madonna and Frankie Valli. Instead of telling your kids or grandkids to “turn off that noise,” engage with them. What is it about the beat, the words, the band that they enjoy?

IMG_2513More than just enjoyment, music can also be used to help someone who has suffered a stroke to relearn how to speak, a person with Parkinson’s disease to improve their posture and reduce pain, or a patient in Hospice to leave a song legacy. I welcomed back Melissa Hirokawa, M.M. MT-BC, Neurologic Music Therapy Fellow, on “The Unexpected Caregiver Radio Show,” where we focused on using music in stroke therapy. Melissa clearly loves her job and shares delightful stories of how her work has improved the lives of those elders to whom she gives care. Our previous interview focused on how music therapy supports the family caregiver. Both interviews are upbeat and insightful.

Whether you engage a music therapist, use songs to connect with your loved one, or like me, think in songs, let music support your on your caregiving journey.

Music Makes the World Go ‘Round

(Thanks for your patience! I’ve corrected the radio link at “Listen in.” I will get this!)

I had the pleasure of interviewing Music Therapist Michele Hirokowa. Her explanations of just how music can be used as a therapy with your loved ones is clear and right on. Music can change a mood, calm you down, or simply keep you company in the background. But music also has powers to evoke memories, both good and bad. Melissa explains how working with a trained therapist can help process those emotions. Besides that, she’s just a whole lot of energy and fun. Listen in.

And speaking of using music to bring people together, Read more »