Tag Archives: adventure

You gotta laugh through the tough times

My friend sings instructions to his wife with Alzheimer’s disease. I hear her giggling and then I start laughing and before you know it, the three of us are totally in the present moment. We’re not thinking about her bowel movements or when she’ll start wandering or whether she’ll find her meds we’ve tried so hard to bury in her yogurt.

There’s a lot about giving care that is neither fun nor funny. Helping your parents and loved ones will test your balance and stamina. It will stress your spouse, your family, your work life, perhaps even your basic sense of self. Sometimes, it will bring you a level of joy that will surprise you. Other times, it will bring you down.

Have fun with the every day tasks. When my friend showers his wife, he announces her exit from the bathroom, “Make way for the queen.” Don’t take it personally when a loved one forgets who you are. I had one client join me and his wife at the kitchen table. As he sat down, his wife turned to me and asked, “Who is that?” Without hesitation, the husband said, “It’s me, Tom, your husband.” The wife looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Another Tom?” And we all laughed and agreed that another ‘Tom’ would be a lot to handle.

It’s okay to laugh, as long as you’re laughing with them. They haven’t lost their sense of humor. When we laugh, we are playing. When we are playing, life is fun…and that makes all the difference.

Yes. The Holidays™

I’ve heard from many of you in response to my last blog. My heart goes out to all of us who find this time of year less jolly and more complicated. My wish is that we each find our own version of Santa belly laughs. (The coffee shop in which I find myself just had TWO Santas come in. That was confusing. Not so much for the babies, but for me. How can there be two?)

I give you Dak and his creative version of The Holidays…now a brand.

By Dak Gustal

Part 1. In which I set out this year toward Christmas instead of away from it.

For ten months of the year, The Holidays™ are ridiculously easy to survive.

Just outside the Denny’s parking lot in Big Eel, two normal people enjoy a conversation about Christmas from the safety of September:

old coupleEdith; Christmas? What’s the whoop?

Corwin: I know, right? What’s the big whoop?

Edith rattles her free weekly newspaper already blossoming in holiday style

Edith: How would we fall for fake Christmas anyway?

Corwin: I don’t know, right?

Edith: ‘S so stupid!

Corwin: Ridiculous!

Corwin stands, pulls himself to his full height, clenches into a knot then releases a stream of curses across the park at an offending red squirrel. He then resumes sitting in the exact spot the same way, as if nothing happened. Edith does not seem to notice.

Edith: You’re not gonna fall for it this year?

Corwin: I don’t know. No, right?

Edith: I’m just going to enjoy the season for what it is.

Corwin: Yeah! Just enjoy the season for what it is.

Pause.

Edith: It’s about love and peace and joy to the world and stuff. It’s no big whoop!
Corwin: I know, right? What’s the big whoop?

Part 2. In which I begin to realize the flaw contained in Part 1.

It’s December. Krampus, in the form of Our Hero’s Life Partner, explains exactly what the Big Whoop is all about:

Krampus : What’s the big whoop! I’ll tell you what the big whoop is! I got Santa infesting my brain and you don’t have any Santa in you at all and I keep getting things for Billy but Sally just has the one thing even though it’s a big ticket thing and who knows what Kevin thinks about anything, he’s so full of…

[We interrupt this Important Diatribe of Complaints to remind you that when you need to get into The Holidays™ Spirit nothing says “I love you!” like The Holidays™ Spirit of The Holidays™ 64 Calorie Tribute to The Holidays™ Holiday Nog. Get yours today!]

…when she pulled the whole tree down on top of her which is why you always have to put the biggest…are you even listening?

Hero: I wasn’t listening, but now that I know a very good reason to not ask about the whoop anymore, I was wondering if you were going to get to the part where we all come together as one big happy family and the snow falls gently outside but inside everyone is warm and happy to be together and everyone got what they really wanted which was to be seen and heard and enjoyed and cherished and to love their lives and the life you live with the people we love.

Little Girl: But the people we love are often terrible people when they’re around people that love them!

Her Brother: And as it turns out, you’re the worst one!

Uncle in the back: It’s a cultural thing!

Woman in red hat: I blame the ads!

All in Chorus: Yes! Ads are making The Holidays™ conform to their will!

Dad, pounding the table solidly, once: That’s enough! Out All Of You.

Part 3. Total Defeat. Keep Eating?

In the silent aftermath, over the soft grunting and chewing and scraping of silverware on bone china, you can hear music low in the background. Familiar, intricate music designed to hone time to the singular emotion we are all expected to share and overcome; the music always there in the background of The Holidays™, hearkening heraldic angels to sing over and over again. And once more.

The Holidays™ brought to you by It’s Just What I Always Wanted!™ For Men™
Available now everywhere!

Dak Gustal is a freelance writer and poet living in Randoph, VT. You may contact him at st.augustus@gmail.com

 

Together We Can

88-year-old Betty finished the 3 1/2 hour rainy-day hike. It wasn’t something she did alone; the group walked along side her. With a walking stick in one hand, her grandson held the other. When the creek was too wide and rocky, our guide lifted Betty safely to the other side.

IMG_2927Even though some in our hiking group may have wanted to climb a peak or move more quickly, our personal desires easily gave way to the group’s goal of completing the hike as a whole. As individuals we may be preoccupied with our individual agendas, but allowing others to interrupt our preoccupations can be a sweet gift. We tune into someone else and we wake up to the present moment.

This is what it can be like to be a family caregiver. If we’re able to set aside our personal wants and tune into another person, it is a great gift to both care receiver and ourselves. When I completed Robert V. Taylor’s 21-Day Reboot, I found myself tuning both inward and also outward per his daily suggestions. When you listen to our radio interview, you will see just how helpful his 21-Day Reboot can be for family caregivers. Instead of being weighed down by daily tasks, embrace Robert’s Day 5 suggestion: “Delight affects how you participate in your own life and the world. Chose to allow yourself to be delighted by something or someone today. Tell another person about your delight.” Read more »

Wait until you retire to travel

Good thought, but doesn’t always work. How many times have you heard stories about your neighbor who put off travel until retirement, only to be met by a stroke and have to give up his dreams to travel?

My maternal grandfather waited. And then his Huntington’s disease spoiled his dreams of a retirement full of adventure.

In The Unexpected Caregiver, I provide creative suggestions of how to physically travel and also mentally travel from the comfort of your own home. Add to my suggestions the ideas of Thomas P. Stern of Assisted Vacation. Whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease or physical issues, the Assisted Vacation team will build a travel vacation that supports both caregivers and care receivers. Read more »