Having a guilt-free holiday season means being extra kind to yourself. Families can be even more demanding at this time of the year. I learned a hard lesson from visiting my sister. There were times when I only had an hour to stop off and see her, but I knew that she would not be happy with a “short” visit. I constantly felt guilty for not having more time and wound myself in knots trying to explain myself to her. She didn’t want excuses and the short visit usually ended in harsh words and bad feelings. And my guilt was not assuaged one bit.
I am not in control of my sister’s response to my availability to visit. You are not in control over how your family reacts to your desires to spend the holidays alone or with other people. We only have control over how we respond to situations. Understanding this helps release guilt. Especially during the holidays, replace guilt with self kindness:
- Use a kindness mantra. This can be as simple as repeating the word ‘kindness’ in the morning or during a stressful commute. I often repeat my mantra word while walking. Instead of negative thoughts swimming around our heads, we need to create positive reminders that we are worthy of self care.
- Spread kindness. I find that when I do little, unexpected kind gestures for others, I feel loved. Just the other day I randomly offered to pay for a woman’s coffee. The look on her face was that of delightful surprise. She expressed her gratitude and I accepted it warmly.
- Maintain perspective with E+R=O — Events happen and how you Respond will determine the Outcome. Our egos think we have control over others’ feelings. We don’t. We can only be who we are, act with kindness, and let go of what other’s think. It’s much easier to do this when we remember how little control we have and that being kind towards others is a positive way of letting go of our pesky ego’s need for control.