I remember crying at the oddest times after my mom died. I burst into tears while sitting on the toilet once and another time when presenting in front of a group. Tears come and it’s okay.
Grief is a reaction to loss and is ongoing in many caregiving situations. The person may be alive, but we’re watching pieces of them disappear. Caregivers suffer from a double grief: grieving the end of a loved one’s life, but also grieving the small, constant changes that continually take away and diminish the person we once knew. There’s also another grief: the loss of our life as we once knew it and as we had planned it to be (we don’t have more than one life).
Generally, we don’t “get over” grief. There is no set time frame for grieving, but we do want to move through it rather than get stuck in it. For some, grieving has been such a constant companion during caregiving, that once our loved one dies, it is more of a relief than a continuation of sadness. There is no judgment about grief, but please recognize that this period of time — however long or short — is part of the process. Allow yourself time. Feel what you feel, share with others and seek support. Then give yourself permission to move beyond grief. The goal isn’t to forget. The goal is to survive the time of grief, find a way to hold onto the memories and cherish what you had.
Taken from the New & Expanded Edition of The Unexpected Caregiver®: How to keep Mom & Dad active, safe, independent and yourself S.A.N.E.