Monthly Blog Archives: October 2013

Money, Age, and Big Foot

Recently I posted a question on Facebook asking for top issues when it comes to caring for Mom and Dad. One response was: “I hate trying to make sense of their finances & realizing, by looking through checkbook registers for instance, that dementia was grabbing ahold of my mom much earlier than I realized.”

There are different types of loss. When dementia takes hold or death comes too quickly, financial issues tend to scream for your attention. Right in the middle of dealing with emotions, you need to tackle financial concerns.

I interviewed Aaron Britz of Legacy Wealth Management recently. He specializes in helping women gain financial control during a life transition, such as loss of a loved one. The interview is both upbeat and informational and could be just the ticket for moving you from fear of finances to getting a grip on this often times emotional issue.

And for a completely upbeat and upside-down look at financial issues, I call on Dak Gustal. Be wise…bite off these financial issues and if you want support, contact me. Now, here’s Dak: Read more »

Getting Unstuck

“Open your new brain” I suggest to audiences and individuals. This means setting aside the rote response “I can’t do this; this won’t work in my situation.” By opening your ‘new brain’ you listen to ideas with the attitude, “I wonder how I can apply this new information?”

We all get stuck now and then. For some of us, it feels like we’ve been stuck in those glue traps set out to catch unwanted mice. And we continue doing the same thing over and over, hoping that today, the result will magically evolve. When it doesn’t it can easily throw us into a maelstrom of emotions.

Here are my suggestions to loosen the grip of the proverbially glue trap and open your new brain:

  • Get creative. I know, hard to manage when feeling stuck. So get up and dance! Call a friend or sit and color. Just do something. Don’t think about it. I have adult coloring books, if you’d like to order, and I also provide excellent suggestions for creatively interacting with your loved ones when giving care in my book.
  • Stop the mind chatter. Focus on someone else. Turn your attention to listening to another person and set your self talk on a shelf. This small act brings a double blessing—that person is truly listened to and you let go of your mind chatter for a bit.
  • Walk outside. In all weather. Look up at the trees. Breathe deeply. Listen for nature’s conversation and let it take over your mind chatter if just for a little time.
  • Use humor. Watch a stand up routine or just listen to people laugh. If nothing else, humor will shift your physiological makeup and automatically make you feel just a little better. What will it hurt?

If there’s any way I can help you get unstuck—either with caregiving issues or aging issues or heck, just living issues, let me know. I’m here to help.

I’ll Eat You Up

It’s “Heart Attack Monday” and I’m often more than amazed how many people are feeling the stress of not only Monday, but of life. At the same time. Dak’s blog is worthy of taking a break to read and reap from his insights.

By Dak Gustal

I know you know this, but maybe you, like me, keep forgetting: stress is hurting us now and in the long term. Here’s a study out of Sweden linking stress in middle age with increased risk of Alzheimer’s disease.

A lot of us are prone to stress. Offhand I would say that most of the people I know are stressed out much of the time. We get into habits of worry and deadlines and getting to the church on time and we have headaches and heartburn and midsections that buzz as if from one blow after another as well as shoulder blades that want to lodge in our earballs. There are so many things that seem so important and so needing of our attention and we want to be good and we want to do right and I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything good or get into anything bad and all you talk about is how your relationship is in trouble again and then there’s the economy and politics and religion. How’re things going at work?

Where is the good news? Or if there is no good news, which prescription can I take?

All I got is the good news today, but you are going to have to want to hear it:

Let it go.

See? I know you read that and something inside of you slumped and was disappointed.

“I already know that.” might be one response, but chances are you think if you let it go you will tumble off into space like Sandra Bullock in “Gravity”, only you don’t have George Clooney in a jetpack to save you, right?

Your mind is designed to think and solve problems. It’s really good at it. It also thinks that it is what’s holding everything together. But every day other people don’t do what we think is right, politicians come to conclusions we simply can’t stand, kids forget to close doors, and if we don’t keep marching around setting things to order, the whole kit and the whole caboodle will cascade into chaos. All of this happens in our minds, but it translates to stress in our bodies. Our physical brains are part of our body.

I know you know you need to get control of your stress, but maybe you don’t know that your mind is probably not the best ally for doing this. Remember, minds think. Let’s get our body’s opinion.

Just sit there for a moment and feel your body from the inside. Let your thoughts get caught up in mapping out your feet, your legs, your torso, your arms, your neck and head. Feel all that electricity bunched up in all the usual places that ache? Imagine that you could let it all go. Imagine that you could forget how important everything is.

What if you forget to think about it a little?

You lose your stress a little.

Take another look at what can happen if you don’t get out of your stress habits.

Come on now, you have a choice.

Dak Gustal is a freelance writer and poet living in Randoph, VT. You may contact him at st.augustus@gmail.com

What older adults know

This is where I started working with older adults. 24 years ago, I fell in love with teaching and directing adult learning programs. The experience shaped my career. My brother and I attended camp together as kids and now he’s back as an adult, sharing what I know to be a very special week:

Dak and KBBy Dak Gustal

What is knowing? What is not knowing?

I am at the Norwegian adult learning program at Concordia Language Village’s “Skogfjorden” in northern Minnesota and I am feeling good but also a little torn apart. Things move fast here, and there is a sense of motion that cannot be denied but also does not want to be fully explained, like a wave and a particle trying to compete for the same space in the mind. And this is only day two.

Here is a program predominantly led and attended by older adults and when you hear that, you might be tempted to think there should be a slow pace going on. You would be wrong.

These are not people waiting around for some kind of reward; they are teaching and reaching out to all that is around them, embracing their interests and uninhibited by learning.

DSC_0069

These are people that are willing and able to tell the truth of their lives and they share readily of themselves here without reserve.

They are not growing old despite their aging; they are also not burdened with the idea that they are more than what they are.

They are comfortable with their lives and because of this, they are able to offer themselves up with a kind of joy and openness that you don’t find in youth.

Contrast this with the serenity of the setting—the deep, northern woods, beautiful rustic cabins and pristine lakes in the cooling colors of autumn—and you feel life in a way that is its own reward. The mix of active and strident work learning a new language with the natural pace of deep nature is life itself lived fully.

***

At Buck Lake, Late September, 2013

Few look
But if you do
Come open
Fly apart
The leaves
Falling here
Are your heart
The wind
Breathes
For you
Forever here
You will not survive
This kind of beauty
Look anyway

Dak Gustal is a freelance writer and poet living in Randoph, VT. You may contact him at st.augustus@gmail.com