Monthly Blog Archives: August 2013

Three Taboo Subjects to Raise with your Aging Parents

Finances, Mental Health and Sex: Three topics of conversation avoided in the calm times and poorly handled under crisis—especially when a conversation needs to take place between an aging parent and their adult child. Read more »

A new way to handle ‘badly behaved’ older adults

Tase them! This isn’t the first time a nursing home resident has been tased and it won’t be the last. It should cause alarm bells to be clanging in the hearts of everyone caring for an aging loved one. We aren’t given details in the report (I’m waiting for Paul Harvey to fill us in with “the rest of the story”), but it’s very disturbing to think that a professional caregiver felt it necessary to call in outside enforcement.

I’ve been in tough situations with residents. I recall Ann in a dementia care community I managed: she believed herself to be a nurse by day, thought she needed to free fellow residents by night. When our dementia care community’s water pipes sprung a leak and we needed to evacuate residents just after bedtime, Ann seized the opportunity. Read more »

Together We Can

88-year-old Betty finished the 3 1/2 hour rainy-day hike. It wasn’t something she did alone; the group walked along side her. With a walking stick in one hand, her grandson held the other. When the creek was too wide and rocky, our guide lifted Betty safely to the other side.

IMG_2927Even though some in our hiking group may have wanted to climb a peak or move more quickly, our personal desires easily gave way to the group’s goal of completing the hike as a whole. As individuals we may be preoccupied with our individual agendas, but allowing others to interrupt our preoccupations can be a sweet gift. We tune into someone else and we wake up to the present moment.

This is what it can be like to be a family caregiver. If we’re able to set aside our personal wants and tune into another person, it is a great gift to both care receiver and ourselves. When I completed Robert V. Taylor’s 21-Day Reboot, I found myself tuning both inward and also outward per his daily suggestions. When you listen to our radio interview, you will see just how helpful his 21-Day Reboot can be for family caregivers. Instead of being weighed down by daily tasks, embrace Robert’s Day 5 suggestion: “Delight affects how you participate in your own life and the world. Chose to allow yourself to be delighted by something or someone today. Tell another person about your delight.” Read more »

Is Assisted Living a Dangerous Place to Live?

The PBS Frontline special “Life and Death in Assisted Living” has sparked a great deal of chatter on social media. Assisted living (AL) is not regulated like nursing home care (or SNF-skilled nursing facility), but do we want it to be? Regulations tend to put the kibosh on creative offerings.

One of the initial definitions of assisted living was “living with risk.” When I first worked in the industry, folders replaced charts; aides didn’t wear uniforms; and med carts never entered the dining room. Buildings were designed to look like country mansions with grand staircases (that residents were discouraged from using).

Assisted living in 1996 was designed to provide some assistance in a home-like setting. As people have aged in place, AL has become a less-regulated version of a nursing home. While the industry markets these communities as homes, they refer to them as facilities. Who wants to live in a facility?

As for staff being overworked, underpaid, and under-trained, I agree. Years ago my partner and I started our company Age In Motion, Inc. We designed programs to address the issue of assisted living staff that was (still is) underpaid, undervalued, and under-trained. We created a staff training that not only motivated the staff and reminded them of their importance, but also taught them about normal aging, diseases that cause dementia, family dynamics, and activities that engage individuals and groups.

I thought we’d be in demand … that everyone, especially senior housing, would want this training. Sadly, most choose to ignore aging until it happens to someone they love, then the cramming begins. But where do you get the information?

This is why I do what I do and have done what I’ve done. Let’s talk about this thing called aging, engage in understanding what happens to us as we grow older — the ups, the downs, the good, the bad. This is the package. This is why I started The Unexpected Caregiver radio show four years ago and have a mission to syndicate it throughout the US and world.

The conversation is long overdue, but it is not distasteful to have. Aging and taking care of each other is not distasteful. And if we learn about aging, plan for our aging years, research our options, we will have a better understanding of what is to come.

No, assisted living is not dangerous. It is as misunderstood as the journey of aging.